I had a random scene that didn't fit with the current version of the MASH shifter AU I posted earlier this week, in which Hawkeye is ill and discovers a particular special ability that Charles has in his shifted form.


Hawkeye's head was exploding, his eyeballs felt like they'd dried out in their sockets, his throat had been sandpapered; and now, facedown on his pillow, he was having to contend with a weight on his neck that was slithering slowly up the back of his skull and down over his ear.

"Charles," he said, hoarsely and indistinctly, "get off my head."

This had about as much effect as telling Charles to do anything, as the garter snake slid behind his ear and he felt the dry brush of Charles's tongue across his temple, then his cheek.

Although it made his aching head pound harder, Hawkeye propped himself up. The snake plopped hastily to the floor and he had a sense it was slithering for all it was worth back to the other side of the tent.

"No licking. No licking, Charles. I didn't think we needed a no-licking-your-tentmates rule in the Swamp, and yet, here we are."

Shifting made no sound, but there was still a palpably different air in the tent with Charles turned human again. "As if it ever stopped you," he said tetchily.

"That was once. On your leg."

"With a dog's tongue, and who knows where that's been," Charles said. Hawkeye risked his aching eyeballs in a glance around, and found Charles standing up, pulling up his pants. Leaning over to pick up his belt from the cot, Charles went on, "Your temperature is about 101.2, by the way. Not at all dangerous, but Hunnicutt's on OD and he can send one of the nurses over with an analgesic, it'll relieve your symptoms slightly."

Hawkeye, who had just flopped down on his pillow, creakily raised his head again. "You can taste temperature?"

He looked across the tent in time to catch a smug smile as Charles buttoned up his shirt. "Pierce, snakes hunt by body heat, were you asleep in biology class? Of course I can."

"By exact degree?"

"I do one thing at a time, and I do it well." Charles snatched up his jacket, threw it over his shoulder, and went to the door. "There will be a nurse here shortly, do take your medication when it is offered."

"Hot and cold running nurses, Charles, you shouldn't have."

The door banged in Charles's wake. Hawkeye collapsed back into his pillow, but he roused a bit later to swallow the tablets that were presented, and later that evening, tried to gracefully ignore the snake that was draped across the sweaty back of his neck, lightly and thoughtfully dabbing a forked tongue along his jawline.